And now, its all clear to me.
Im glad. Im glad I dint confess it to him.
Im glad I dint toss my self respect into a gutter. Im so glad i made this decision. Im so glad that now I dont have to worry and spend hours thinkingggg and planingggg of how ill tell him. Im glad. Very glad.
Now that I have this sheepish “letting-go” thought in my mind…I have started feeling empty. Like all the energy that he passed through me is being withdrawn. I feel like I have been pushed into that aimless mode all over again. Now again, when I look up at the skies I see only clouds. No beauty. I can only see the birds flying. Not playing. When I board my bus every morning..all I want is my stop to come cuz I get tired of breathing in the dust coming in through the windows-not like how I found the polluted scene beautiful in the past few days. Now everything seems dreadful- everything tasteless. Like I have lost the touch of life. Bad food tastes bad. Good food tastes bad too.
Everything is going on like a horror movie. And I know there are chances of me getting rid of this feeling. A possibility- that is to go tell him I love him. Alot. But as I said it is simply a ‘possibility‘ that he will love me back which means there is an equal chance of a no. And the latter will just drag me to another stage of hell I dont wish to see. Also…a no shall simply ruin my dignity.
Hence, let me just shut up.
Yeah. I think i should just shut up.